Re-Ramblings

I have always had the habit of conversing with folks in my head. And two-sided: 'Conversations'. Always, and who I speak with has changed from people to people over the many years. I remember having imaginary friends, when I was a kid, specially in 3rd and 4th std, when we had moved to Calcutta. Friends was only school, rest was family. Calcutta, old regular Calcutta with no apartment complexes and such is without the parks, and playgrounds. People play on the road, kids already have friends. So for my brother and me, we splurged our imaginations at home, running around in what seemed and will still remain in my mind, a mansion in my mother's house. Playing hide and seek, to cricket. Well, this in itself is a different post all together. Laters. The recipients of all these conversations have changed from people to people over the many years. The first I remember was a family friend's son, that I used, and in some ways still look up to. I still think my adult being in more ways than one is because of him. He is the only one who took me seriously and as an adult in my adolescence. A time when you are seeking approval for who you are and becoming. I am who I am in parts because of him. And needless to say, most of these people have varied from crushes I have had, folks I never said anything to, since you always know it will not amount to anything. And the greatest achievement at the time would be when I would stop talking to them in my head. It always was this clear indication that I have moved on. That subconsciously mean nothing to me anymore. More importantly, I associate no importance with them, and my natural urge to speak with them, tell them tales of travels, imagination and sorrow and joy alike.

[And pray, Big difference between 'Venting Out' and 'Cribbing'. Some people don't get it! No one expects you to fix it, just be a friend and listen for a change :)]

But now, I talk in posts, things I would like to write about, how I would frame my sentences, edit them, rephrase them. I find it a lot more constructive. Even though it needs to be said, I am running out things to write about. Everything that comes naturally to me sounds sad, remorseful, a state I want to alienate myself from.
I wish the sights and sounds that take me back years and months will all go away.
I wish I get my rhythm back.
I wish I become who I was,am.
I wish I can undo and forget ever single time you drilled into me that I am sad, unhappy and 'weird' and incapable of being happy.
I wish in spite of everything I hate in today, and yesterday and the day before, I don't forget what I learnt from you and still look for the silver lining.
I wish someday, you can still brighten my day like you always did.